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Breaking News 
TV station says 'no' to European soccer -- KSTNK General Manager Bryan Harrison announced today that Channel 9 will stop airing European soccer until the Europeans make the game more suited for an American audience.

Local couple shares secret to long marriage -- Bill and Marianne Snell recently celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary by publishing a book that details their secrets to a long marriage.

I'll never eat again, so help me IHOP! -- A bonus I'm Just a Guy story for your reading pleasure.

I'm Just a Guy
This Fourth of July,
don't forget the hot dogs

The Fourth of July is just around the corner and I can’t wait. And I know you can’t wait either. How do I know? Because you drool whenever you drive past a fireworks stand. 

Americans like the Fourth of July solely for one reason – the explosions. And the louder the better. That's why we watch NASCAR races on ESPN. Yes, we want our favorite driver to win, but when it's all said and done we don’t talk about Tony Stewart’s lap time or how Junior drafted down the straightaway. No sir! We talk about the wreck on Lap 127 that took out 14 cars on Turn Two. Luckily, no one was hurt, but “boy did you see that car flip in the air and disintegrate? Man alive!” 

Getting back to the Fourth of July – it’s actually the men who prefer the explosions. Women usually flinch at the loud noises and say things like, “Wow! Those colors are magnificent. I really love the ones that look like Weeping Willows. Can someone turn down the volume? It’s too loud!” 

And where do you find the guys during a fireworks display? Standing at the hot dog stand, munching on a wiener, saying things like, "Holy cow, that was a loud one! Reminds me of that NASCAR race. Blew the top right off that engine. And there goes another one! Hey, give me two more dawgs. They’re great!"   Continued

Mrs. Blanchard's Homeroom

Sunday, 22 June 2008 -- Today, children, since you and I have nothing better to do, we're going to prove to the scientific community (which is made up of scientists) that the world will NOT come to an end just by smashing some atoms.

You see, in Switzerland, scientists will soon be smashing atoms together in a huge collider (which is very similar to a freeway) in the hopes of seeing "dark matter" and "dark energy" -- whatever they are. The "good" scientists say it's perfectly safe, but the "bad" scientists say the experiment will give birth to a black hole which will swallow the Earth in one bite, not stopping to chew 20 times to enjoy the experience.

I side with the "good" scientists, but they need our help.

So, everybody find a hammer, grab your little brother's most annoying toy, smash it to atoms (which is a technical term for smithereens) and keep you eyes open for black holes. I'm guessing you won't see any, but if you do, duck! (You're more likely to see a parent, and if you do, leave me out of it!)

Good luck Junior Spacemen! I wait patiently for your report!

You can read "Mrs. Blanchard's Homeroom" throughout the week at:  mrsblanchardshomeroom.blogspot.com. If your school won't allow access to that website (like Stinky Creek's school doesn't) then you can see the blog at www.mrsblanchardshomeroom.com.

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