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Video Review
2001: A Space Odyssey
By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon
The other night I was having a terrible time getting to
sleep. I tossed and turned to the left, rolled back over to the right, hit
my head against the headboard, knocked over a glass of water, and accidentally
poked my eyeball with my left finger. I would have put a pillow over my
face but I was afraid my wife would have taken the opportunity to put me to
sleep forever with a little downward pressure.
There are times in our lives when the brain just
doesn't want to give up and settle down for a long winter's nap. It wants
to think about what you did that day, what you're going to do tomorrow, what
you're going to finally say to the boss when you build up enough nerve, what the
cost of soybeans are in China, whether or not those soybeans will eventually be
recalled due to a mistake in manufacturing, and how you're going to send back
the soybeans you've already ingested. The brain is just having too much fun to
quit. That's when you have to trick it into putting on its pajamas.
After what seemed like a lifetime of counting sheep,
pigs and armadillos, I decided a movie and a warm glass of soybean-based
chocolate milk would probably do the trick (a glass of "real" milk would have
caused a whole different set of problems, but we want go into that here).
As I settled down on my couch with a mug of "can't
believe it's not milk" milk, I spied a movie on my shelf which I hadn't seen in
years -- Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey. If the "milk" could
trick my brain into getting into its PJs, then the movie would be the knockout
blow that would send it off to dreamland.
I watched intently has pre-humans struggled for food,
interacted with their neighbors, and picked bugs out of the hair of their
friends. A mysterious obelisk appeared and the pre-humans mysteriously
learned how to use tools, kill their neighbors, and pick bugs out of the hair of
their friends (old habits die hard). And then, with the toss of a leg
bone, the pre-humans mysteriously invented space travel. Five minutes
later, I mysteriously fell sound asleep.
Whoever figures out how to package and sell 2001 as a
non-addictive sleeping medication is destined to become a gazillionaire.
Doctors recommend that you watch 2001 only once a week.
Side effects may include upset stomachs; nausea; a hankering for rare steak; a
fear of classical music; and a paranoia that someone is watching you while you
eat. The movie is not recommended for women who think they are pregnant,
zoo handlers in charge of monkey cages, jealous female astronauts, computer
programmers named Hal, or babysitters. Recovering drug addicts are advised
not to watch the last 45 minutes of the movie.
2001: A Space Odyssey is rated G because sleep is good
for everyone. |
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