Video Review
300

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

Even though I wanted to see the movie "300" in the movie theaters, I'm glad that I didn't. It was much easier to hide the tears streaming down my face while sitting on my couch than it would have been surrounded by a bunch of strangers choking down sacks of popcorn and sipping on diet colas.

The movie retells the story of 300 Spartans who stood defiantly against a Persian army bent on conquering Greece.  Led by their king Leonidas, the Spartans stood their ground for their love of country, glory, and honor. My tears did not come from their sense of duty or the sacrifice they eventually made, but from something that would make any 45-year-old man weep for younger days -- a set of rock-hard abs that could probably deflect bullets.

Yes, my dear friends, a tiny tear ran down my cheek every time I poked my flabby belly in comparison to their washboard stomachs of iron. I was eating a bowl of Blue Bell Dutch Chocolate ice cream at the time, but I cried just the same.

There was a time in my life when I thought about getting in better shape, toning up my muscles, eating the right foods, and watching my weight, but then Burger King came out with their King-sized Angus Steak Burger meal and the future of my body was set in stone (or should I say fat?).

The movie has a very artistic look to it, but it's rated R for mostly graphic blood-n-guts violence and bits of nudity.  After seeing the movie, I've made up my mind that if I ever decide to turn my flabby self into a Spartan body, I won't be watching some girlie exercise video with women wearing spandex -- I'll be using "300."