4 houses burn to the ground

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

Within a one-week period, four houses burned to the ground under mysterious circumstances.  Officials say it's arson, but witnesses tell a different story.

"These fires were set," said Crappy County Fire Chief Harry McSpray. "We don't know who did this or why, but we're going to find the people involved, one way or another."

According to eyewitness Berry Strange, "people" had nothing to do with the fires.

"I saw them coming out of the night sky in their little ship, looking like they were lost," said Strange, a life-long resident of Stinky Creek but with no fixed address.  "The ship hovered over those houses and WHAMO! a blue flame shot out and blew them to pieces."

What happened next was even more amazing, Strange said.

"That ship set down and little purple men came out and began searching through the wreckage," Strange said.  "You would have thought they would have been green, but they weren't.  They were deep, deep purple, just like that silly dinosaur my mother made me watch over and over and over again until all I could see was purple dinosaurs everywhere I went."

According to Strange, the aliens got back into their ship and shot back up into the sky.

"I think they were hungry and were looking for food," Strange said.  "This was some kind of alien picnic, and they were looking for roast-people sandwiches."

"And I think they'll be back," Strange said.  "But of course, you won't here any of this coming from city officials.  They'll trot out some kid who will say he did it -- some kid whose mother never made him watch that silly purple dinosaur -- but WE'LL know the truth."

Chief McSpray refused to comment when asked to respond to Strange's allegations.