By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

And now it’s time for this week’s edition of “Celebrity Barista.”

(Cue theme music)

Today on our show, Mount Pleasant Superintendent Terry Myers will pit his intellect, his wit, his freshly-ironed white shirt against the whims of a discriminating crowd who enjoy their cappuccinos hot and their repartee steamy – and all for a good cause.

And what good cause will reap the benefits of Myers stint as a Celebrity Barista? None other than Mt. Pleasant High School’s Project Graduation.

(Cue audience applause)

But before we dive behind the counter to see what caffeine-swirling tricks Myers has up his sleeve, first a word from our sponsor.

Do you enjoy your cappuccinos hot and your repartee steamy? Do you enjoy a hit of espresso while doing your calculus homework that was due last Thursday? Do you prefer to cruise the internet at supersonic speeds instead of going home and using dialup? Then come on down to the HardBack Café located inside of Hastings. Whether you like your drinks hot or cold, we really know how to stir things up.

And now, back to our show.

(Cue audience applause – fade out theme music)

During our commercial break, Terry Myers has taken off his black suit coat, loosened his tie, and has put on an official HardBack Café apron fresh with day-old caramel stains on it. He looks like a natural, but is he really? Let’s ask.

“My wife is a coffee connoisseur, but I’m not really a coffee drinker,” Myers admits.

The studio audience gasps.

“But I do like the smell,” Myers quickly adds.

The audience breathes a collective sigh of relief.

And with that, Myers, under the expert tutelage of barista Luna Grove, heads behind the counter to begin his shift as this week’s “Celebrity Barista.”

(Cue audience applause)

While Myers is busy with the job at hand, let’s take a look at the history of the barista and what it means to be one.

According to extensive research, a barista is a trained coffee-making expert who wears elaborate jackets and knows precisely how much coffee will make the average person pee all day long. In Italy, a barista must not only be trained in coffee-based drinks, but in alcohol drinks as well. Since this isn’t Italy, I have no idea why I mentioned it.

A good barista is also an expert in different garnishing techniques, such as making smiley faces with stir sticks in the froth. The best baristas compete in competitions to see who can make the most unique smiley faces, but Mr. Myers has many more years of training before he can reach that level of expertise.

Speaking of Myers, he’s just finished stirring and pouring his first caffeine masterpiece of the day – a White Chocolate Symphony with Caramel – and is passing out samples to members of the audience.

Ginger Shaffer of Titus County looks like she’s enjoying her drink, but does she know who served it to her? Let’s see.

"I assumed that since he went behind the counter he was a worker here,” Shaffer said. “He did quite a good job. He makes a good server.”

And isn’t that what being a good superintendent is all about?

And what does Mt. Vernon resident Linda Lindsey think?

“I thought he was someone who worked here,” she said. “I wouldn’t have known him from Adam. We’re new here.”

Well, welcome to East Texas and we hope you enjoy your stay.

You can never catch Barbara Dillman of Omaha by surprise.

“I have no earthly idea who he is,” Dillman said at first. “Wait a minute. That’s the new…Hold on. He’s the superintendent, isn’t he?”

Yes your sweet and tasty mocha latte with double espresso he is.

Eric Rose, a student at Mt. Vernon High School, had this to say about Myers.

“He gave me a drink, so I like him.”

Enough said.

Well look who’s in our studio audience today. It’s school board member Royce Carr and his lovely wife Deborah. Let’s ask them what they think of Mr. Myers’ debut appearance as a barista.

“He might as well do this on Saturdays,” Royce and Deborah agree. “He has nothing else better to do.”

A little good-natured teasing never hurt anybody.

And what did Myers’ 16-year-old daughter Audrey have to say about the whole thing?

“I can’t picture my dad working in a place like this.”

Oh well, stranger things have happened.

And so ends another edition of “Celebrity Barista.” Tune in next time when Royce Carr spends the day dipping ice cream at Braum’s.We promise it will be a scoop!

Until then – goodnight and good coffee.