Movie Review
The Bucket List

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

My son and I were enjoying a wonderful "man day" -- which means there are no females in, around or anywhere NEAR the house -- when we decided to go watch a movie and ended up crying like babies. Okay, I was the one crying and he was the one trying to get out of the movie theater as fast as he could so he wouldn't be seen with a teary-eyed old man.

I hate that Hollywood did that to me -- tricked me into thinking a movie was about one thing when it was actually about something entirely different. They sucked me into my local theater, making me believe I was going to watch a comedy about two men living their last dying days to the fullest, and threw at me a story that was more poignant than funny. 

And what's worse, stories like that force you to be introspective, and I HATE being introspective because whenever I am, I find there's not much inside of me to be introspective about.  Yes, dear reader, it's absolutely true -- I'm about as deep as a tortilla, as shallow as a pizza pan, and as thoughtful as a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream.  (Hmmm!  This is making me hungry!)

The movie, which stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, really makes you think about how you'll spend the days you have left in life, whether it be one year or 50 years.  I would prefer having the larger number, but I guess it's really not up to me.

In that case, if I were to have only one year left to live, I'd put the following on MY bucket list:

• Write the "great American novel" then email it to everybody I know with a slow connection, thus bogging down their computer for hours on end.  It might even possibly crash the whole internet, thus forcing our progeny to find better ways to entertain themselves than by seeing how many friends they have on MySpace and FaceBook.

• Buy a VW bus, let my hair grow long, and drive around singing protest songs.  (I missed the 60s and feel cheated. It's time for me to step up and put it to "the man.")

• Apply for as many credit cards as I can, max them all out, and not worry about making the minimum payment.  If we ALL did that, it would crash our debt-ridden society and we'd have to go back to bartering with chickens and pumpkin pies.

• Learn how to speak Spanish and French, then travel throughout Mexico, Spain and France just to watch how the locals react in seeing an American taking the time to learn their language.

• Ride a motorcycle around the world just to be able to say I did it.

The Bucket List has a bit of language, but that shouldn't keep you from going to see it.  I wouldn't take young children because they'd be bored to tears and the other moviegoers would curse your name throughout eternity.  I would go see it with people you care about.  And have a hanky handy.