How does a kid get stuck underneath a seat? Don’t ask me, but it can happen. And it did. Little Johnny was stuck so tight that I was afraid that if I pulled his arm any harder it would come off in my hand and then I’d have a REALLY big problem. 

The little tyke was just trying to get his “packback” that fell under the seat. Why he didn’t get out of his seat and move to the one behind…….Oh, wait a minute. I know why he went under the seat.  He did it because he didn’t want me to see him getting up while the bus was moving. In other words, it was all my fault. I taught him too well. 

Oh well, it could have been worse. Little Johnny could have been “tossing his cookies.” And then I probably would’ve been tossing mine.

Kids remember — no tossing cookies on the bus when the driver isn’t feeling well.  And if you drop your “packback,” for heaven’s sake, don’t get stuck under the seat.

My little artists (8 March 2008) -- More than half of my riders are in elementary school. And what do they love doing the most when it’s cold outside and the windows get all fogged up? They like to take their little fingers and create momentary pieces of artwork on the windows. I really don’t mind it, except when they use up all their space and then go searching for a new “canvas.” I tell them to stay in their seats, but sometimes the urge to create is too overwhelming. So far not a one of them has created a masterpiece using a finger adorned with a freshly picked booger — but it’s only a matter of time.

It was a hail of a route! (5 Feb 2008) -- So, I’m sitting there in Bus No. 6, waiting for little Johnny to gather up his stuff and get off the bus, when all of a sudden the sky opens up and drops buckets of rain and pea-sized hail all over the place.  Little Johnny gets off, I close the door, the hail is pounding the roof of the bus, when three first-grade American Idol hopefuls start singing about kissing, sitting in trees, and babies drinking “al-kee-hall.”  Why is it that when things get the most stressful, little bus riders go bonkers?  I had to do some fast Zen meditation.  Three hours later and I’m still breathing slowly.  Well, tomorrow’s another day.  Whoopie!

Why is it so? (15 Jan 2008) -- Why is it that when you compliment your riders on their behavior, they act worse the next day?  Why is it that when you need to get back to the bus barn early in order to make a doctor’s appointment, you have to stop the bus three times to separate riders because they can’t get along?  Why is it that when you sleep late in the morning and just barely make it to the bus on time, the fuel gauge shows empty and you remember that you were GOING to get there early to fuel up?  Why is it that on days off you still get up early and don’t feel fully awake until you’ve yelled at someone?  Why is it that when you’re feeling a little bit under the weather but you come in anyways because you know they’re always short of drivers, that’s the day little Johnny decides to throw up right behind you?

I don’t know!  Don’t ask me!  I’m just a bus driver!

End-of-the-day Happy Hour (11 Jan 2008) -- I’ve noticed that as the clock inches closer and closer to the end of the school day, teachers and staff get nicer and nicer to us bus drivers.  They just grunt and snort at us in the morning, but in the afternoon they make us feel like we’re their best friend.  I’ll be walking down the hall and they’ll say things like, “How was your day Mr. Driver?”, “Hope you have a good evening,” “You look a little pale.  I hope you’re not getting sick because we REALLY appreciate you.”  Wonderful words and comments that can really make a bus driver feel good — that is until you realize what’s REALLY going on.  Those friendly teachers and staff members are so caring and kind to us because they want to make sure we get on that bus and haul away all their cares and woes.  In their eyes, there is nothing prettier than seeing the back bumper of a school bus as it heads into the sunset.  New bus drivers don’t get it, but us veterans know the ropes.

First route of the new year (7 Jan 2008) -- Little Johnny (all boys on Bus No. 6 will be referred to as little Johnny and all girls will be referred to as Becky Sue), Little Johnny was singing “party like a rock star” for the fifth time, and I was just about to pull over the bus to yank him out of his seat and put him sitting upside down in the back when I remembered to do some breathing exercises to lower my tension levels.  Unfortunately, we were passing through a cow pasture at the time and I got a big whiff of manure.  Needless to say, little Johnny ended sitting upside down in the back seat — which made me feel a whole lot better.

Back To Work (5 Jan 2008) -- Christmas vacation was just WAY too short!  And now it’s time to get back into the habit of waking up at ungodly hours to pick up sleepy children raring to go back to school.

While the teachers had to be at school for an inservice day on Friday, us drivers had to go to a Yoga workshop to learn how to keep our cool in the midst of chaos.  To me it was just a bunch of hogwash!  And I certainly didn’t take a liking to sitting around in a circle, with our legs crossed, breathing slowly and humming songs to “cleanse our minds.”  And boy was she surprised when we told her that there was no way we were going to hold each others’ hands while we did it.