Town Council to debate
driving restrictions for teenagers

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

The Stinky Creek Town Council will debate whether or not to impose restrictions on local teenaged drivers in the hopes of reducing needless accidents.

"I don't know if we can legally impose restrictions on our young drivers," said Mayor Herbert Reese, "but we're going to talk about it anyway. Something needs to be done about these almost-deadly accidents that seem to only happen to teenagers."

Mayor Reese was referring to a recent accident between a teenaged driver, a mailbox, and a riding lawnmower. The teenager was driving too fast down Betty Drive and missed the curve in front of 98-year-old Gerty Stuart's house. The teenager slammed into Ms. Stuart's road-side mailbox, plowed through her vegetable garden, and sideswiped her riding lawnmower, sending it though Ms. Stuart's front bay window. Luckily, Ms. Stuart had just taken a break from mowing her lawn and was in the kitchen refreshing herself with a tall glass of lemon sun tea.

"One minute I was sitting happily in my kitchen, sipping on some tea, and the next minute I thought the world was coming to an end," recalled Ms. Stuart. "I actually thought the FBI were coming to take my TV away, but that's silly, isn't it?"

At their next meeting, the Town Council will debate whether or not to impose the following restrictions to local drivers who are under the age of 23:

• Require drivers to display a "Caution: Newbie Driver" on both front and back bumpers as well as installing a flashing strobe light on top of the vehicle for night driving.

• Limit the time drivers can drive by themselves -- such as between 1:30 to 2:30 p.m. in the summer and 3:30 to 3:45 p.m. during the school year.

• Require that all drivers must drive with their grandmothers in the car at all other times. If grandmothers are not alive, they must use their friend's grandmother.

• Limit the number of passengers a driver can have in the car to two friends and a grandmother.

"Texas already has a number of restrictions for new drivers," said Mayor Reese. "We're just going to see if we can expand those restrictions to local drivers. We owe it to our young drivers, as well as our mailboxes, gardens, lawn mowers and houses, to at least look into it."

Town Council meetings are open to the public.