Local Earth Week activities planned

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

Stinky Creek and Crappie County will observe Earth Week this
week, April 20-25, with the following events:

• Monday is "Ride Your Llama To Work" Day. If you don't have a llama, ride a bike.

• Tuesday is "Don't Go To McDonald's; Eat Fresh Food From Your Garden" Day. If you don't have a garden, then fast for the day and lose some weight. A few less pounds will do you good.

• Wednesday is "Only Wear Green Clothes" Day. If you're colorblind and can't tell the difference between green and pink, then just THINK you're wearing green. Because everybody knows that THINKING green is SEEING green.

• Thursday is "Take A Cold Shower" Day. For some of you, this may be a nightly event already. Others may choose to forgo the shower and go to work stinky. Either way is okay.

• Friday is "Don't Give A Toot" Day. Flatulence contributes to the Greenhouse Effect. Try not to eat anything gaseous the night before or you're going to be in a lot of pain.

• Saturday, everyone is invited to the "I've Had Enough of Earthweek" Party on the Square. Partygoers are encouraged to drive their SUVs to the event, wear tacky florescent orange tennis shoes, bath themselves in bottles of cologne, and eat plenty of beans before they come. The party starts at 7 p.m. and it should be a hootin' tootin' spectacle.