Mayor: We will win the War on Error

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

In a recent news conference, Mayor Herbert Reese vowed that the War on Error would be won, and that winning was vital in making Stinky Creek a better place in which to live.

"It's time to put aside our differences and work together in this war against error," Reese said. "We did not ask for this war, but we're going to fight it none the less, and we're going to win it."

According to the mayor, all Stinky Creekians are fighting this war in order to maintain the way of life "we have enjoyed ever since the pioneers founded our fair city.  This war will not be over until either we or the errorists emerge victorious."

Even though the war is being fought by professionals, Mayor Reese suggested there are ways the average citizen can help in the fight.

"When you see a misspelled word in the local newspaper, call up the editor and give him what for," Reese said.  "When the checkout lady charges you for two loaves of whole wheat bread and you only purchased one, run to the manager and denounce her as an errorist.  When you order a cheeseburger, large order of onion rings, and a medium coke from Burger King and they bring you some kind of healthy salad with fat-free French dressing, don't hesitate to throw it down on the floor, stomp on it and demand what you ordered.  It's all a part of winning this war on error."

When asked during the press conference if there was any truth in the rumor that his administration was using secret prisons to hold suspected errorists, the mayor sidestepped the question by saying:

"This is a different kind of war and we will fight it in the streets, the schools, the shopping malls, the fast-food restaurants -- in other words, we'll fight this war wherever error exists with every means at our disposal.

"And in closing, I've got a message for errorists everywhere," Reese added.  "Stinky Creek does not flee from the face of bad spellers and incompetent tellers.  So be on the lookout and be on your toes, 'cause we're gonna getcha, and that's how it goes."