Town Council rejects Fall paint job

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

Mayor Herbert Reese thought it was a wonderful idea; a 92-year-old Stinky Creekian stood up to voice his approval; but in the end, the town council voted against painting downtown trees to give them a more Autumn-like appearance.

"Global warming has hit us hard this year," Mayor Reese said.  "The unseemly warm weather has made hunting miserable; people are running around in T-shirts when they should be wearing sweaters; and, worst of all, the leaves haven't changed their colors.  Something has got to be done."

Downtown Stinky Creek has a variety of elm, maple, poplar and cherry blossom trees lining its streets.  The town square is usually awash in Autumn colors this time of year, but this year the leaves are brown.

"We have got to do something about the downtown trees," Mayor Reese pleaded.  "Painting the leaves would not only brighten up our downtown area, but it would give jobs to hundreds of Stinky Creekians who are out of work.  It's a win, win situation."

Members of the town council believed it was anything but a win, win situation.

"With all due respect Mayor Reese, are you drinking again?" Councilwoman Nellie Brown asked.  "This is the most lame-brained idea you've ever come up with.  And you've come up with some doozies."

"Are you suggesting that we go around town looking for out-of-work residents, give them a paint brush and pay them to paint leaves?" Councilman Jake Gray asked.  "Because if you are, I'm going to have to agree with Councilwoman Brown.  I think we need Sheriff Welter to give you a sobriety test."

During the public comment time of the meeting, 92-year-old Harold Grimes stood up to support Mayor Reese's idea.

"I'm 92 years old and I've never seen our trees look so bland," Grimes told the council.  "For the last couple of weeks I've been downtown picking up fallen leaves and painting them red and gold and yellow.  My daughter thinks I'm crazy.  She's put me in a home for crazy old people.  But I escape just to come paint leaves. If it hadn't been for Mayor Reese bumping into me and asking what I was doing, none of you would have even noticed the leaves.  All I need is a little bit of help and in no time at all the leaves will look beautiful.  I'm 92 years old and I can paint leaves.  I'm useful.  Don't send me back to that place.  They're crazy."

The town council unanimously voted against the painting of the leaves then tabled a suggestion that Mayor Reese's mental stability should be examined by a psychiatrist.