Minister accidentally kills woman

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

Eighty-nine year old Mildred Allen died this past Sunday of a heart attack during the morning service at the Stinky Creek United Methodist Church.

She is survived by her two sons, Jim Allen of Tyler and Randy Allen of Amarillo, one daughter, Shelby Simms of Brownsville, and numerous grand children and great grandchildren.

Mildred was a long-time resident of Stinky Creek where she taught private piano lessons after she retired from teaching fourth grade at Stinky Creek Elementary. Friends and relatives remember her as a kind-hearted woman with a passion for reading National Geographic.

According to her friends, because of her deafness, Mildred always sat in the fourth pew from the front in order to better hear Rev. Michael Jones’ sermons. This past Sunday, Mildred was wearing her new hearing aides and fiddling with the volume to get it just right.

“That poor Mildred was sitting two rows in front of me,” said Bertrice Haroldson, who was attending church that day. “She was adjusting her new hearing aides and had them turned up too loud. We could hear them squeal, but nobody said anything because we didn’t want to embarrass her. I guess you could say we all had a hand in her death.”

Charles Grimley is the regular sound man at the Methodist Church, but this past Sunday he was out fishing. The PA system was left in the hands of Harvey Swift.

“I love Harvey’s enthusiasm and his love for his fellow man, but he’s just not the right person to work the PA system,” Rev. Jones said.

According to Mrs. Haroldson, when Rev. Jones began to preach, the microphone was off. He stood up in front of the congregation mouthing words that nobody could hear.

“That’s probably why Mildred was adjusting her hearing aides,” Mrs. Haroldson said. “What a sad thing to happen to such a sweet lady.”

According to Rev. Jones, Mr. Swift frantically tried to discover the root of the PA problem, but to no avail. It was Rev. Jones who discovered that his microphone hadn’t been plugged in. Not knowing that Mr. Swift had turned the volume control knob to high, Rev. Jones plugged in the microphone which produced a pop-like explosion of sound that made everybody jump out of their seats.

Witnesses say Ms. Allen clasped her hands to her ears, and then just fell over onto the pew.

Rev. Jones administered CPR to Ms. Allen, but the damage to her heart was too extensive.

Services for Mildred Allen will be held Wednesday at the Jim Bowman Memorial Cemetary on Pine Street.