Howdy!
Welcome to the
 home page of
Stinky Creek, TX and The Daily Spittoon.

Where is everybody?
     If you lived in Stinky Creek right now, you'd be asking yourself, "Where is everybody?"  Well, everybody left town and the last person turned off the lights.  And the reason?  It's hunting season -- need I say more? Until next time, enjoy these "Quotes From The Past."  
 

Police raid musician's home
"My husband and I were walking around the block when we heard blood-curdling screams from one of the houses. We believe a woman is in there, you know, being held against her will, and the man inside there is trying to kill her with butter knives or spoons, you know, trying to kill her as slowly as he can because she refuses to bring him beers while watching Monday Night Football and then he....."  Sherry Monroe talking to 911 dispatchers about a possible murder in progress

Killer Squirrels give hunter a scare
"The sounds just all of a sudden stopped, and that’s when I saw the biggest, hairiest squirrel I'd ever seen poking his head from around the tree right in front of me. He was looking me straight in the eye, not an ounce of fear in his bones, and he started to growl like no squirrel I have ever seen, heard, or killed. And then out of the corners of my eyes I saw movement all around me, squirrels everywhere I looked -- in trees, on the ground, behind bushes, in holes, all crouched ready to pounce on me. And they were coming closer, and closer and closer.” Duff Huffman telling a squirrel-hunting story.

Minister accidentally kills woman
"That poor Mildred was sitting two rows in front of me. She was adjusting her new hearing aides and had them turned up too loud. We could hear them squeal, but nobody said anything because we didn’t want to embarrass her. I guess you could say we all had a hand in her death.” Bertrice Haroldson testifying how 89-year-old Mildred Allen died in church. 

Spare No Child's Left Behind
"Every year the state comes out with new regulations and programs to help our students learn.  Some of them work, and some of them are just reincarnations of old programs that didn’t work. This year we’ve come up with a program of our own and we think it’s going to do wonders for our students. It’s called ‘Spare No Child’s Left Behind.’ Superintendent Marcus Spilling discussing a new school program that should help children learn better.  

Local family buries the hatchet
“The owner of the house, Mr. Raymond Stevens, was very adamant that he wanted everybody out of the house.  We were doing our best, but then someone threw a Key Lime pie, and the situation went south from there.” Patrolman Matt Rutledge giving an eyewitness account on a domestic disturbance call.

Man sues to use his real name in Nov. election
"My father, God rest his soul, had some friends over to watch the Super Bowl.  I kept interrupting the game by showing my father what I'd found clogging up my nose. He kept yelling at me, 'Get out of the way, you little booger,' and the name stuck. I was only four." Richard "Booger" Thompson telling how he got his nickname. 

Sunday school teacher acquitted of assault
"My mouth was full of food and I spit it clear across the room.  And then I barfed up just about everything that had ever thought about being in my stomach -- and the kids did exactly the same thing."  Judy Bankhead describing her reaction after eating her husband's "surprise" dinner.

Barber snips off a little too much
"I was listening to some other fellows talking about hunting and at the same time was keeping the other ear attuned to a rerun of Gunsmoke on Fred's black and white TV.  All of a sudden I felt like I'd been slapped on the side of the head with a sledge hammer." Tommy Holinger talking about a horrifying incident at the barbershop.  

The Daily Spittoon is an independently owned rural newspaper.
© 2006-07 The Daily Spittoon, Stinky Creek, Texas.
No portion of this newspaper may be reproduced without the
written consent of The Management.