Mayor gives 'State of our Union'

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

Stinky Creek Mayor Herbert Reese gave his "State of our Union" address Wednesday to a packed audience at the Crappie County Courthouse.  His wife, Sally, followed with her response.

"My fellow Stinky Creekians.  It has been a long and trying year filled with uncertainty, apprehension, higher gas prices, long lines at Six Flags, and weather patterns that defy prediction.  But I stand before you today, and tell you without a shadow of doubt, that no matter what the media says about me and my beloved wife, the state of our union is strong.

"I remember the month, the day, and even the hour that I met Sally.  The Cowboys were playing and I was in Sears, testing out a widescreen TV.  With only seconds left in the game, with the Cowboys trailing by six points, and Roger Staubach on the verge of throwing a touchdown pass, in walked this tall brunette who had the nerve to change the channel to some inane show that I can't even recall.  She and I had some choice words that day, let me tell you, and we've been together ever since."

"Yes, we've had our ups and downs; yes, we've struggled through good times and bad; but let me be perfectly clear -- she's turned me into a model husband with few faults or vices.  Any woman would be lucky to have me, but they can't.  I belong to Sally, and our union is strong.

"Thank you, goodnight, and God Bless America."

SALLY'S RESPONSE 

"Everything my husband said is true, for the most part.  We're still working on his humility, his punctuality, his snoring, his putting the lid down, his stinky shoes, his wanting to buy things when we can't afford it, his lack of handyman skills, as well as a few other things I'd rather not mention.  There are times I'd rather throw him back into the lake in the hopes of catching something better, but I know woman-kind is better with him filleted and sautéed on MY plate.  So, like my husband said, the state of our union is strong today -- but who knows about tomorrow?"