The Spit   

It's About That Time Again

By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

Just a few more days before school and I’m not happy because I haven’t bought any pencils yet, or a notebook, or notebook paper, or pens.

What will the teachers say when I walk into class unprepared?  They’ll probably look at me as if I was naked — and don’t tell me that you haven’t had that dream before, because everybody’s had that dream.

It’s not like I hadn’t had all summer to get my supplies in order.  All I did was stay up late, sleep late, go to movies, swim, visit with friends, swim some more — all those useless things that keep you away from doing the really important things, like deciding whether to buy the NBA or the NFL pencil and pen set.  And you know what happens if you pick the “out of style” pencil and pen set — you’re branded for life.

And what about my haircut?  Do I get an overcut, an undercut, a chili bowl, a buzz, or do I just forget to wash it, tie it up in the back and let it hang down everywhere else?  These decisions are killing me, because getting the wrong haircut is worse than getting the wrong pen and pencil set.

And what about lunch boxes?  You’ve got to have the “cool” lunchbox, with the “cool” thermos, so you can hang around with the “cool” people, even if the lunchbox can’t keep anything “cool” but you.  I don’t want to make the same mistake I did before!  I once walked into school with a Mickey Mouse lunch box with the matching thermos and backpack — and now I can never show my face at that high school again.

Decisions, decisions!

And what about teachers?  I hope I get Ms. Carlisle for English because she’s nice; and I hope my best friend, Axel, is in my classes; and I hope that Butch leaves me alone this year; and I wonder if Susan still likes me?

Oh, there are just too many things to wonder about, and dread about — so I’m not going to do either.  I’m just going to let my fears and worries drift away with every spoon full of Rocky Road ice cream that I can put in my mouth.

And I hope that it won’t make me too fat.

Am I too fat?  ‘Cause I know what the others will say if I come back to school looking like a two-ton tractor-trailer rig with a “Wide Load” sign on the back.  They’ll say things like, “Move out of the way, he makes wide turns,” and “Hey, you were just walking backwards and I didn’t hear your back-up warning signals.  You might want to have them checked out.”

And what about ...

But wait — I’m not heading back to school — I’m a “grownup.”   But I still remember those last days before the beginning of a new school year.  And if I had access to any surveys, I bet they would show that 95 percent of school-aged children are going through the same sort of questions and fears.