By Tracy Farr
Editor, The Daily Spittoon

The movie Wild Hogs is not about hunting ugly animals for tasty bacon -- it's about men, motorcycles, bar fights, cross-country road trips, women in bikinis, love, hate, small towns, chili festivals, tattoos, camping, weird people and county fairs.  In other words, everything that makes this country great.

But forget about the country.  The only reason I watched the movie was because of the motorcycles -- massive, roaring, chrome-platted, exhaust-pumping manly motorcycles.  And for me, there's only one way to watch a motorcycle movie -- in full gear with surround sound.

Now, I don't exactly have surround sound, but if I turn up the volume until I can't hear my wife screaming at me, it's practically the same.

About the gear -- riding boots, chaps, a leather jacket, gloves and a helmet are all you really need to get yourself in the mood.  It gets kindof hot with all that leather on and you look kindof silly sitting on the couch, but that's all part of the experience.
 
For me, the toughest part of watching the movie was trying to figure out how I was going to drink my cola with a helmet on.  Yes, I know, I should have taken the helmet off, but that's not the point.  The point was keeping the helmet on for a couple of hours like a "real" biker.  Wait a minute -- "real" bikers don't wear helmets.  Oh well, I guess I should have thought about that before I glued several long straws together and snaked them through the helmet to my mouth.
  
The movie was rated PG-13 because of a bit of language, naked male bottoms, and crude "non-heterosexual" humor.  A Word of Warning: The cost of renting or buying this movie will set you back about $16,020 --  $20 to buy the movie and $16,000 to buy the Harley you'll want when the credits start rolling.